WOW. It's been years.

I haven't been able to open my Blogger account for years now. I forgot how good it was here. It's simple, sleek and unique. I can't believe I wasted so many years of my life for not blogging here. But I still love Xanga though.

I still have school tomorrow, btw. It really sucks. I'm already in college! I'm taking up BS in Physical Therapy. I'm on my 2nd year now. Who would've thought, right?

I really don't know why I ended up here either. But I would really like to pursue this now. I'm just a little bit scared, or maybe terrified's the word, cause they say it's really hard.

I now have to work my ass off just to survive college.

I guess it's just not meant to be.

*tears*

I thought everything was okay. But the fact is, it wasn't.

I'm like crying so hard right now .. I don't know what to do. I love him so much and it hurts that I can't be with him. Memei said before that it was all good and she wanted me to be happy. She said that it seems unfair if she's the only one happy and I'm not. But today ... I don't exactly know what happened. I was talking to Keth over the phone and I she suddenly said that I should take a look at Mei's shoutout on her Friendster profile. I was really shocked and really hurt when I saw it. It says "be happy! THEN GET LOST!" It's pretty much obvious that it was for me :(

She and Fei even asked if Patrick and I were a couple now. And I'm like, no .. we're not. I'm not replying to any of Patrick's text messages. I really want to but, it's just gonna hurt even more. I wanna be with him But as I've said before, it's impossible. I should've known. How can I be so stupid? Why did I even think that this could ever work?

*sighs*

We have LOADS of homework and I'm just ready to die right now. I'm so tired .. I just want to be alone.

I miss III-St. Jerome Emiliani! *tears*

Aww. I miss them so much! I would give EVERYTHING just to be with them again. :'(

I was really nervous when I got to school this morning. I was really EMO and I've been pretty much quiet most of the time. I still don't like my section, but I guess I have no choice. I hope that something bad doesn't happen. I'm still soooooo scared. I can't act like myself cause I'm always thinking about my every move. As in like, I'm so uncomfortable in my class.

Everything's gonna change. I won't be the same person again.

I still wanna DIE.

Please.

Please.

soooo CONFUSED.

I don't know exactly if this day is like, good or bad, but it definitely wasn't great. I mean, I had fun, but I still have a lot on my mind. We went to Kring's place at about 5:00 pm. We're having dinner there, celebrating her birthday in advance. It's supposed to be on April 17. But we have classes then. I went home at 9:00 pm.

Anyway, I got up really early this morning. I went to school and checked if the office was open, but unfortunately, it was closed during the weekends. I was gonna let mom transfer me to another section, but you know. *sighs* So we're gonna head off there on Monday, really early, while classes start. I really don't want to leave Mei behind, but I just can't take it I feel really bad for doing this, cause it seems like I'm leaving her behind .. but it's just too much for me. I feel like I'm gonna die when I stay there .. seriously

I really don't know what to do right now. I'm so scared :'(

Wake me up when I'm dead.

I don't know what to do :( My life's starting to fall apart again. I'm so scared. I just wanna die. I feel so alone and like, this whole school year I'm just gonna cry and cry and cry I'm so tired of this. And now I'm gonna have to face this alone. Without Keth by my side. Yeah Mei's there, but I don't really think she's a hundred percent there for me. Don't get me wrong, I love her. But there are times when I think that she doesn't want me to be around and stuff. I don't have any friends there. And he's there. What am I gonna do now? I want to transfer sections, but I can't since I don't wanna leave her behind :'(

I can't do this anymore... this is so hard I'm willing to give up everything just to be happy again. This is my last year at ESPS for God's sake. I can't be like this... but I have no choice, right? I'm gonna be miserable as hell for about a year. I'm gonna miss out on everything :'(

WOW. It's been a while. A really, really LONG while.

I almost forgot about my account here in blogpsot. I haven't posted an entry in here for about 2 years. But you didn't miss much. I mean, duhh. What do you expect? My life's still a living hell. I still dread every single minute of it and believe me, the worse is just about to come.

By wednesday, I'm gonna start to cry again and that will continue on until the day I die.

9/11

Okay, so I maybe a little late about the whole, 9/11 thingy but, my sister and I went to the mall earlier this day to watch the movie, World Trade Center. When I watched the movie, I was like 'Oh my God' and like 'what the fuck happened?' I actually felt sorry for the people who got hurt there. It was devastating. To think that only 20 people survived that day and almost 2,700 people died and has gone missing... ugh. That really sucks. Fuck those terrorists.